Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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