do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
