Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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