Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
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