I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I can't put those talents on a resume
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize