I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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