First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
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