Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
