My hair reeks of homosexuality.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
