im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
