all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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