I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
