I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she smelled like a LAN party
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
