I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
