dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
