I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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