Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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