On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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