WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm passing your future prison.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
