Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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