i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
