There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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