Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
