Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
