the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
