you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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