I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize