sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
