Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
