three words: i give head
three words: not that well
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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