college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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