i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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