The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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