Please, let me fuck your mom
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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