I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
