SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Ladies don't puke and tell
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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