If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
