It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
