All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
