Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
