yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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