You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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