had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize