Nicole vs. Life
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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