His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
