ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
