Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
