So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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