It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
