dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
