I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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