You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
you made out with another girl for some wings
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
