he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
