I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Sext me about skeletons
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
