Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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