The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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