oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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