real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
