Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
