pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
