And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
