went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
