you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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