Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
