TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
love makes seman taste better
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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