After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
