She said her name was "party"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
