i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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