sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Floor bacon is actually really good
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
