You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
