i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
