I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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