He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
