final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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