When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize