you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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