After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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