I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize