i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
