all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
