I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
