Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
