I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
