I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
